Raised By Wolves

When I was growing up, I had some understanding that I was different than my siblings. I never understood why. I was the 5th child and maybe my parents, mainly my Mom had just gotten tired of doing the parenting. By the time I was 8, I had a new baby brother that was taking up all of Moms time and energy. We had to tiptoe around and only whisper so as to not wake the baby! The entire neighborhood was well aware of this including the ice cream man. Poor Good Humor guy... It's tough to get verbally beat up by a mother that is frantic about her baby getting enough nap time! So, there I was. 8 years old and having to fend for myself. It all started out innocently enough; having to make my own breakfast or lunch, figuring out that it IS okay to eat a "raw hot dog" and cold spinach. Drinking milk from the carton to avoid having to wash a glass was my new trick! Until that one night that I accidentally grabbed the carton of buttermilk! YUCK! Dad caught me and got a good laugh over that move. So, as I was discovering how to use an alarm clock to get myself up for school, I slowly became more and more independent. Within a few months, I tried smoking cigarettes. This impressed my big brothers friend and I felt very grown up, so I continued. Over the next few years, I was like a street urchin only one with a home to come into at night. I hung out at the drug store, stole candy bars, flirted with boys and then with drugs. At the ripe old age of 12 I was seduced by a 24 year old pervert with some pot and a bong. He was a bastard from hell and raped me after getting me so stoned that I passed out. Afterwards, I was a 12 year old on a mission to just find love. Now, as you all know love is found in all sorts of places and from all sorts of things. I was pretty sure that if a boy liked me, then I was likable. If I allowed him to become intimate with me, I was certain that I was lovable! At least for a little while. I was "ruined" and was sure that I asked for what I got. I was hell bent on using and abusing all men. I began living as dangerously as I could. I was one of the daring young fools that found great pleasure in hitch hiking all over the US. I got to feel very special when I would become the story teller in each car or truck that picked me up. Growing up, I never got the full attention of an adult for more than a good talking to or a whipping. I would be something special to my new friends in whatever town I would stay in for the week, and then again felt very special when I got back home. I loved feeling special! This became my new addiction for the next 5 years and I traveled away from home and almost always alone about 2 weeks every month. I learned a lot of important things about how to survive, what to look for when a ride stops for you and most importantly, how to quickly dive out of a car when things were going very wrong! I don't know how many angels I had wrapped around me in those days. A bunch for sure! So, I spun my stories and as I did, I realized in each story, there was some truth about myself that I hadn't known before the story came out of my mouth. I suppose I was my best counselor and even though there were some awful bad things that happened to me while I was growing up, I chose to take the positive from each experience and move on. There are a lot of wolves out there. Some where there to teach me and some were there to destroy me. They all had a part in my raising. I made it though, in spite of myself! I am in my 50's now and have a fantastic husband, 3 grown kids and 3 grand babies. I have a stable and happy life filled with stable and happy friends. So, I guess the moral of my story is even wolves can raise a family.... or even when raised by wolves, there is always hope of a bright future. I write this for those of you in the world that are still struggling to find happiness in all the wrong places. I want to tell you that there is a true and perfect love only in God. The most awesome part is if you knew him and turned away from him in order to follow your own wants, He is right where you left Him. He is waiting for you to come back.His arms are open wide and with Him, you can build your life right.Your reward is greater than anything that you can imagine! You think Christian life is boring? Then you don't know me or my stable and happy friends! I've looked at this life through drugged vision and clear vision. This is most certainly the best. I invite you to join me.